Am I the Drama?

The offer I prayed for and the decision I never expected to make

As many of you know, much of my year was defined by an attempt to pivot my career from its deep roots in tech consulting to something more aligned to my creative interests. I remember my entry to 2025 being marked by frustration and fatigue, as I began desperately searching for something new as a result of what felt like an intense nudge from God to explore the creative gifts He has given to me.

Not knowing what I wanted next made the transition even harder. What I ultimately land on was simply that I wanted something new. Here are a few key highlights of what that looked like for me in the context of this story:

• I wrapped up an extremely demanding project, helping a client go-live with their new technology in January.

• I took a leave of absence from February to April to be thoughtful and intentional about what the next phase of my career could look like.

• To my dismay, I returned to my job in May, immediately reengaging with the demands of client work and complex tech enabled transformation.

• Between June and July, I hit new lows and truly felt stuck in my role.

• In August I took a much needed vacation to reset and began a new project.

• Finally, just ahead of my October trip to Japan, I was contacted by a recruiter, moved through their interview process, and ultimately, received an offer.

What Felt Like Too Late Was Perfectly Timed

The company that reached out was a actually a consulting firm that I had built a relationship with toward the latter part of Q1, after progressing through their recruitment process. As my leave was coming to an end, I felt extremely confident and hopeful that this new firm would welcome me into their organization. I continued to receive overwhelmingly positive feedback from both the recruiter and the leaders I met with, but I soon learned the company was preparing to undergo the largest reorganization in its history. As such, they made the decision to pause all hiring to better understand their workforce and future talent needs. With just a small runway left of my leave, the abrupt hiring pause immediately deflated my hopes of transitioning at that time, and started to resurface the thought of having to return to my employer.

Fast forward nearly six months, on the other side of that massive reorg, I found myself reengaging in the hiring process with the same firm, this time with just one interview left based on the conversations I already had under my belt. Ultimately, I was extended an extremely competitive offer, packaged up in all the right ways.

This offer—more than just a job, but a way out and a new beginning—was exactly what the version of me back in March had dreamed of, and what I was completely desperate for over the summer. I cried many tears and prayed many prayers in anticipation of that exact moment. And yet, just days after the offer, I decided to turn it down and remain at my organization.

The drama.

I remember sitting in my parents’ home when I accepted the counteroffer from my firm, my husband and parents close by, gently encouraging me as I prepared to hit send. I couldn’t believe that after months of distress and heartache, I had willingly chosen to stay.

In reflecting on that decision, almost in shock that I turned down the very thing I had been desperate for just months earlier, I’ve come to realize this truth: the version of me from November did not compare to the version of me back in February.

Here’s what I learned along the way:

1. God will grow you before He changes your circumstances.
I begged God to remove me from my job. But if I’m honest, deep down I knew He wasn’t going to change my circumstances—He wanted to change me. During that season, I learned how to build up my endurance; how to see hard seasons through knowing that nothing lasts forever. I’m grateful that staying at my job became the training ground for that lesson, knowing it strengthened me for the challenges that will return in new forms.

2. You have more control than you think.
While still in my role, I found myself navigating territory I had never explored before, advocating to be transitioned off a project rather than quitting altogether—a career first for me. Even when nothing seemed to be going my way, I learned that I still had agency. I could influence the direction of my circumstances in small but meaningful ways. In hindsight, I’m grateful I learned to focus on what I could control and step fully into the driver’s seat of my career and my choices, even when my options felt limited.

3. The grass isn’t always greener.
One phrase I repeated often while trying to leave was, “I don’t know anyone else who’s worked at the same company for eight years.” And while I still majorly stand by that, those eight years have also brought advantages that would take years to rebuild elsewhere. I’ve established a strong reputation, along with flexibility and autonomy that I had overlooked in my eagerness to move on. Leaving one consulting firm for another began to feel riskier when plotted alongside other priorities in my life—being a wife, growing a brand, and trying to explore new creative opportunities.

Chess, Not Checkers

If you had told me back in July that I would turn down an external offer, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. It still amazes me that what I begged for most of the year was right in front of me, and I walked away from it. But I’ve learned that what you believe you need in one season can change just as quickly as you grow.

From the beginning, the goal was never to leave tech consulting simply to land at another consulting firm. What I was (and am) really searching for were new avenues to enjoy and exercise my creative gifts. I’ve had countless conversations, significantly expanded my network, and laid the groundwork for what I trust will be the right move at the right time. Ultimately, I feel at peace with my decision because it was made with clarity, not desperation.

When I reflect on that emotionally charged summer, there are moments when I feel like the boy who cried wolf. But I honor that version of myself and am grateful for what she did to get me here. I’m glad God didn’t immediately grant what I asked for, as painful as it was, because I now sit on the other side with a new level of maturity, and a deeper trust in God’s timing, even when it doesn’t match my own.

In the end, choosing to stay was a game of chess, not checkers. It wasn’t a move for immediate relief, but a strategic play for the long term. I’m excited to look back on this decision and see how it positioned me for what’s to come.

Thank you so much for reading.

Like, comment, subscribe, and share with a friend if it feels right.