Identity Crisis, But Make it Fashion
Reshaping my experiences to fulfill (stylish) promises I made to myself
Working at a coffee shop has afforded me the opportunity to talk to so many great people. I find deep joy in getting to know our guests while sharing a little bit about myself in return. Naturally, I learn a lot about what people do for work and often share how I make a living as well.
“A tech consultant” is usually the answer I give when asked about my profession, always eager to see how people will respond. Most are surprised — nothing about a coffee shop and my often tomboy-ish outfits screams technology. Some are extremely impressed and others are indifferent. I think I particularly enjoy the anticipation of their reaction because my own thoughts on my response as “a tech consultant” is ever changing. Am I impressed or surprised or unamused? It really depends on the day.
My current job, implementing digital solutions as a business transformation practitioner is the only ‘big girl’ job I’ve ever had. In my earlier articles, I talked about how I’ve recently taken on an overwhelming responsibility to steward the creative gifts God has given me, and turn my passion of storytelling into practice. While it sounds simple, it’s made me question nearly every minute of how I spend my time, including how I choose to consistently spend 40 hours of my week.
All of the questions that have arisen from this space of tension have manifested themselves into what I’ve been jokingly calling the identity crisis of my 20s. At one point, I felt like life was presenting me with a crossroad and I feared making the wrong decision. Do I go on to be a corporate professional who excels in PowerPoint and presents to VPs of Finance Systems or do I ditch it all, and fully nurture the creative parts of me that have been begging to be released?
Reshaping My Experience
At the start of the year, I began a committed journey to try and figure it all out. I didn’t know what the ‘right’ answer to the crossroad question was, and at this very moment I don’t think there is one. But what I’ve landed on with full confidence is that I will get there, as long as I commit to showing up.
As part of that commitment, I also leaned into passions and projects that had been quietly sitting on my heart. One example: I kept telling myself “I want to make one shirt”. In my last Letter, I talked about how I’ve now positioned SEP22 as the my apparel arm to the Creative Studio I created, allowing myself to freely connect with different audiences through fashion. What started out as ‘one shirt’ is now a core element to my brand that I hope continues to manifest itself as I feel inspired to create new things.
For my debut piece, I wanted to start simple and make that shirt I promised myself. New to the design process, I quickly learned about balancing design elements I envisioned with the nuances of manufacturing and production. I iterated on the design many times, wanting to ultimately create something that most girls could see themselves in.
I wanted something for the girls like myself — who find most comfort in baggy pants and some kicks, but I also wanted to see the girly girls whose style shows up as cute and flirtatious to feel a pull towards the top, too. After lots of ideating on who the shirt could be for, I knew I needed to approach it similar to my own experience, removing the bounds of the top and just letting it be great in its own right. I continued to design just based on what I felt felt right and the top began to represent what I was experiencing at that very time.
Bringing the Message to Life
As I neared the release of my first shirt, the story came full circle when I began thinking about the marketing strategy. I wanted to promote the shirt in a way that captured the essence of my own journey paired with what I grappled with in the design process. Eventually, I decided on styling and presenting the top as several different ‘personas’ to represent the breadth I’d imagined for the piece. I forced myself to come up with words I would I use to describe myself right now, and backed out everything from there. The list I came up with:
Dreamer: the part of me that believes the sky is the limit
Learner: the part of me that remains curious and willing to learn as a lifelong student
Hustler: the part of me that leans on discipline to get the work done
Lover: the part of me that leads with love, compassion, and grace
Disruptor: the part of me that questions the rules and challenges the norm
Creator: the part of me that builds and leaves behind, shaping work and stories that outlive me
These personas took shape in the form of flowers, Timbs, phones, binders, coffee cups, stilettos, and so much more — I used several small elements to illustrate each of the descriptors with minimal, but intentional details.
Showing Up in All Forms
I loved using the personas to market the shirt because I felt like they were all true independent of my identify. As a tech consultant, they are true and as a creative they are true. They are qualities that will need to show up in all forms — in every version of myself I’ve ever been and every version of myself I will ever be.
With the official release of the SEP22 Raglan Zip up finally here, I feel proud. I’m proud of the ways I pulled from every persona to see this all through. I’m proud of going after anything I’ve ever wanted to do. Above all, I’m proud of the story that my ‘one shirt’ carries, and the relief I feel in its truth — that we’re called to be so many things.
Thank you so much for reading.
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